The Fraught Relationships of "Steps"

The stereotype of the cruel stepmother has been with us for centuries, maybe more. We all remember fairy tales and folk stories embodying that stereotype: "Hansel and Gretel" springs to mind. But of course the reality is, in most cases, far different. Most stepmothers want to love and take care of their husbands' children. But often, despite the best intentions, the situations are very difficult. The children may feel resentful of the stepmother, believing that she has separated their parents. Or they may feel disloyal to their mothers if they get along with their stepmothers. On 9/3/10 I wrote about Ayelet Waldman's novel "Love and Other Impossible Pursuits," in which the main character had a very difficult time establishing a relationship with her young stepson. I am now listening to a recording of "Other People's Children," by Joanna Trollope (Viking, 1999), which focuses, as the title suggests, on the very difficult "step" relationship, not only between stepmothers and stepchildren, but also among stepbrothers and sisters. There are several step relationships in this novel, and they are all fraught, to say the least. Josie has one set of adult stepchildren, one biological son, and now has taken on another set of stepchildren in their early teens. Both sets of stepchildren are deeply resentful, despite her very best efforts. Elizabeth is also taking on stepchildren, and in her case, interestingly, the problems are more with her adult stepdaughter than with her young stepson. Both of these stepmothers' relationships with the fathers of the children are threatened by the storms and tensions in the "step" relationship, as the fathers feel torn between their children and their wives. Both books remind us that the "evil stepmother" stereotype is very unfair, and that most stepmothers do their best in often extremely difficult situations.