"Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners"

For some reason, I am intrigued by and enjoy reading books on manners; I also love the Miss Manners column and other such columns. Henry Alford, in his new book “Would It Kill You to Stop Doing That? A Modern Guide to Manners” (Twelve, 2012), takes a humorous approach to explaining the importance of manners, his own research into manners, his interviews with various manners-related authorities (including Miss Manners herself, Judith Martin), his time as a sort of volunteer New York tour guide to visitors from around the world, and his experiments as a self-styled manners consultant, among other manners-related topics. At first I was a little put off by Alford’s rather flippant style, somewhat reminiscent of David Sedaris’ tone (I like Sedaris, but a little of his work goes a long way). But as I read more, I was somewhat won over by his apparent eagerness to please, his rather endearing approach, and his occasional self-deprecation. The book is enjoyable to read, and in a very painless way actually introduces some useful guidelines and some thought-provoking cultural, and cross-cultural, information. One place Alford went to gain some of the latter was Japan, and he writes both respectfully and entertainingly about what he learned there. Back in the U.S., he writes about such topics as cell phone use, email etiquette (such as over-use of the “reply all” function), the phrase “no problem,” avoiding delicate situations in drugstores (greeting a friend who is in the process of buying something embarrassing), damning with faint praise, dinner parties (What about vegetarians or the lactose-intolerant? Seating plans? Introductions?), RSVPing, talking with someone who has a serious illness, and many, many more topics. I don’t always agree with his advice or his own practices; in particular, his “touch the waiter” game, and his “cut in front of others to get a cab in New York” practices) but these exceptions aside, he seems to have a thoughtful, considerate, and reasonable approach to manners. This book feels a bit scattered, as Alford jumps from topic to topic seemingly rather arbitrarily, but it is brief, light, breezy, and fun to read.