"Mennonite in a Little Black Dress"

I had been seeing Rhoda Janzen’s “Mennonite in a Little Black Dress: A Memoir of Going Home” (Henry Holt, 2009) on bookstore display racks for a few months, but I resisted reading it because both the title and cover appeared gimmicky and “cutesy.” But an independent bookstore employee convinced me to read it, and I am glad I did. Janzen is 42 and has left her Mennonite background behind years ago, except for a few visits to her family. She is a PhD, a professor, and a poet. But after her husband leaves her for Bob, a man he met on Gay.com, and after she has a bad car accident a mere few days later, she goes home to stay with her parents for a while to recuperate, physically and emotionally. This act of going home is the premise for her story, but mainly it is a framework for describing her Mennonite childhood and how she has been influenced by it even though she has left the religion behind. Although she has much that is positive to say about it, and much that is funny, there are also undercurrents of criticism, especially of the way girls and women are raised to accept an obedient, compliant role (although fortunately her own mother doesn’t seem particularly compliant, and there seems to be a degree of equality in her parents’ marriage). Clearly her parents are wonderful, accepting, loving people, and though Janzen was embarrassed as a child by her Mennonite clothing, lunches, and restrictions on dancing and other things that young people like to do, she had a loving, good childhood. Her closeness with her calm, pragmatic, and funny sister Hannah has also been a great support to Janzen all her life. All of this is described with humor and affection. The other strand of the story, however, is flashbacks to the author’s bad marriage. Her husband Nick is brilliant, funny, handsome, charming, and intellectually compatible; he is also bipolar, violent, abusive, spendthrift, irresponsible, and bisexual. The marriage was sometimes thrilling, often miserable, and even frightening. Janzen says one reason she stayed with Nick, besides the intermittent good times and Nick’s penitence after the bad times, was her Mennonite upbringing that taught her to passively accept what life dealt her rather than taking action and leaving, as she should have done years before. The uneasy melding of these two strands of the story -- her peaceful Mennonite childhood and family on the one hand, and her destructive marriage on the other -- makes for a rather jarring mismatch. Janzen seems unsure about what tone to take about the marriage and about Nick, and unsure about how to integrate the story of her marriage into this memoir, so she includes a few brief but frightening passages about his violence -- e.g., his destroying dishes, furniture and whole rooms of their homes -- and his abuse -- the demeaning, destructive things he says to her -- but then goes back to telling entertaining, reassuring stories about her family. I also wish she had told us a bit more about her professional life and her poetry; she doesn’t give herself enough credit for her accomplishments. However, what she does convey very well is what a great gift it is to have loving parents and a stable, happy childhood; these form the foundation that allows her to survive the harsh difficulties life has brought her. This is a brave, funny memoir, and very readable.