"A Song for Lost Angels," by Kevin Fisher-Paulson

One of my favorite columnists in the San Francisco Chronicle is Kevin Fisher-Paulson. He is a gay white Sheriff’s Deputy married to a gay white male dancer; the couple has adopted two African American boys with various special needs, who are now early teenagers. The column is humorous and touching. The columnist writes about his unconventional family’s life in the “outer, outer, outer, outer Excelsior,” an unfashionable but family-oriented area of San Francisco. The family stories are personal, unflinching, detailed, and full of unconditional love. After reading the column for some time, I realized that this couple had a sad back story about fostering premature triplets, born drug-addicted. Then I learned that Fisher-Paulson had written a book about that experience, and of course I had to find and read that book. It is titled “A Song for Lost Angels: How Daddy and Papa Fought to Save Their Family” (Two Penny Press; Second Edition 2015). The writing is clear-eyed, and although the author describes how hard it was to take care of these three babies, he demonstrates at every turn how much he and his husband loved the children and were willing to do anything for them. They were fortunate to have (then and now) a wonderful network of extremely supportive friends, but still, this was an enormous challenge, gladly taken on. Unfortunately – and this is not giving away anything that the column had not already mentioned, and that becomes clear early in the book – the birth mother comes back into their lives when they are about one year old and – in league with her mother – claims the babies and wants them back. The mother is incredibly careless and unloving with the babies on their short visits, and the grandmother seems more interested in how much money they would get from the government in support of the children than in the actual children. Sadly, as a result of some social workers who believe that the birth parents should always prevail, and who are also nastily homophobic, the triplets are given back to the birth mother and grandmother. The Fisher-Paulsons never see them again, and don’t even know where and how they are. It is an absolutely heartbreaking story. One would think that after such an experience, a couple would be afraid to ever try again, but within months, they adopt the two boys that I mentioned earlier, the ones that the couple has now raised to adolescence, and that the author writes about in his column. The author never claims credit for his and his husband’s amazing love and care of the triplets and then of the two boys, but the reader cannot help but be filled with admiration for their dedication to these children. This story is compelling and well told, with sincerity, humor, and a light touch. And yes, you will both laugh and cry while reading it. And you will come away from the book with awe at the unselfish dedication of these two men, “Daddy” and “Papa.”