"The Way of Boys," by Anthony Rao

I just read a book that is not typical of my reading, or of the books I usually write about here: “The Way of Boys: The Social and Emotional Development of Young Boys” (Harper, 2010), by the Harvard Medical School child psychologist Anthony Rao (with Michelle Seaton). Why did I read it? Well, I (with my husband) raised a daughter, and now she has a preschool-aged son, and I am learning anew about differences between the way boys and girls behave and develop. The author believes that boys are different, and that parents and teachers need to understand those differences. It is a thoughtful book, informed by the author's years of experience working with young children; there are many examples and much good advice. Over the years, I have read many books about girls, and a few about boys, both from a child-rearing advice point of view, and from an academic and feminist theory perspective. I – like many parents (and grandparents!), educators, therapists, and theorists -- have thought a lot about whether the differences between boys and girls are inherent or socially constructed, or some combination thereof. And of course I understand the many differences within each gender, not to mention the binary and other non-cis identities of some children. I don’t claim to have any conclusive insights (!), but I continue to be interested in the topic, especially now because of my dearly loved grandson. (I now have an equally beloved baby granddaughter as well, making the observation process even more interesting for me). I do have one specific critique of the book: almost all the examples and suggestions refer to “Mom” and her worries, her talks with teachers, her child-raising. The author is very sympathetic to mothers’ concerns. But his emphasis on mothers highlights that child-raising is still – by some, apparently including the author – considered to be mainly the realm of mothers. Fathers are only very occasionally and briefly mentioned. Despite this (rather large, for me) caveat, I found the book interesting, insightful, useful, and very readable. The author has a reassuring and down-to-earth style, and is obviously drawing on a wealth of experience. As a footnote: I am happy to say that my son-in-law (who is very involved with raising the two children) is the one who told me about this book, and is reading it as well.