"Letters Never Sent," by Ruth E. Van Reken

Some of you may know that I was and am a “missionary kid” (MK), the child of missionary parents; I grew up in India. I say “am” because “once an MK, always an MK.” So I am always interested in the stories of other MKs. They usually tell of the adventures they had, and of the big moves their families made between their home countries and the countries where their parents worked. Most MKs write or speak positively about all this, but most also acknowledge that at times it was difficult and lonely. I recently re-read one such story by Ruth E. Van Reken. Written in the form of letters that express the author’s feelings about her experiences as she looks back on them, this book is titled “Letters Never Sent: One Woman’s Journey from Hurt to Wholeness” (“Letters,” 1988). This volume is certainly compelling, especially for those of us who have had similar experiences. But in major ways, it does not resonate with my experiences. The author’s main theme is that the long separations from her parents brought about by her education far away from them, first in boarding school and later living with relatives, left her with lifelong scars and feelings of deprivation and hurt. I understand that some MKs felt this, but my own stays at boarding school were a happy time in my life. I loved my parents and missed them, but did not feel sad and deprived. An important point in the book is that each child is different, and is affected differently by such experiences as separations from parents, and thus that parents and schools should be aware of these differences and act accordingly. Fortunately, Van Reken was eventually able to heal from her childhood experiences.