"The Upstairs Delicatessen," by Dwight Garner

How could I resist a book titled "The Upstairs Delicatessen: On Eating, Reading, Reading about Eating, and Eating While Reading" (Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2023)? For someone like me (and, I imagine, many of you) who also loves to read, loves to eat, loves to read about eating, and loves to eat while reading....well, this book is irresistible! Regular readers of this blog of course know how much I like to read, but also may have noticed that I have fairly frequently posted about books about the restaurant world and other food-related topics. The author of this book, Dwight Garner, is a longtime book critic at The New York Times, and is obviously, not surprisingly, tremendously well read. In this book he writes enthusiastically about food and his own experiences with food and restaurants; the book is crammed with entertaining anecdotes, as well as with many quotations by famous authors about food (and drink). The tone of the book is light, generous, humorous, joyous, and celebratory of the pleasures of life.

"A Widow's Story," by Joyce Carol Oates

Not to dwell on loss, as I have in some recent posts, but I just read "A Widow's Story" (Ecco, 2011), by Joyce Carol Oates, a powerful, wrenching telling of the story of the first few months of the famous author's widowhood in 2008. She recounts the story in a series of short snapshots of events and of her intense emotional experiences. This style has the effect of a series of punches in the gut (forgive the cliche that Oates herself would never use). She and her husband Raymond Smith, a fellow professor and an editor, had been married for decades, and were extremely close. His illness was fairly sudden, and Oates was completely unprepared for his death. She goes over all the "what ifs," and questions and blames herself, wondering if she could or should have done more, done things differently. She becomes so distraught that she takes several medications for insomnia and anxiety, and at various points considers, or at least contemplates, suicide. Yet at the same time she forces herself to continue with her professional life, going on a long planned book tour within days of her husband's death, priding herself on not letting anyone down and on not showing her devastating grief. She also struggles with all the tasks that a survivor has to deal with: legal and financial matters, deciding what to do with her husband's duties and possessions, etc. (On a personal note, I will add here that everyone I know who has gone through a spouse's -- or other close family member's -- death and the aftermath is shocked at both the stunning depth of their own grief, and the plethora of logistical tasks that await them, in the midst of their mourning and feeling of paralysis. All of this is very familiar to me since my husband's death.) I couldn't have read this book very soon after my husband died, but now that it has been almost two years, I could and did. So much of it resonated with me, although not all, of course. On a surprise note, not mentioned in the book, except for a very vague allusion on the very last page, is that Oates met and married someone else -- another professor -- about a year later. I must admit that before I read this book, I had heard about the remarriage, and almost didn't read the book because of that. How could she do that after her long, good marriage? How could she go from devastating grief to finding a new partner so quickly? Then I thought about it more, and chided myself for being judgmental; who was I to judge the grief of anyone else, or what works for them or consoles them? In any case, this is a powerful, and (not surprisingly!) well-written book, and I recommend it for anyone who is ready for it, but with the warning that it is very difficult, painful, and emotional to read.

"A Living Remedy," by Nicole Chung

Regular readers of this blog know that next to novels, my favorite genre is memoirs. They may also know that I have recently had a major loss in my life, with the death of my husband. And of course, like all of us, I have had earlier losses too, including those of both my parents and of several close friends. I find myself drawn to memoirs about bereavement. Reading such memoirs is often painful, but also makes me feel connected to others who have experienced this huge change in one's life (which of course, eventually, is everyone...). They too know the great pain of loss of loved ones, and the intense grieving that follows, with all of its manifestations (emotional, mental, physical, social, and logistical). Nicole Chung's memoir, "A Living Remedy" (Ecco, 2023) describes the illnesses and deaths of both of her parents within two years, in the context of Chung's complicated relationship with them and their surroundings, and her painful sense of not being able to do enough for them during their illnesses. Chung is Korean-American, and was adopted as an infant by a white American couple living in a rural part of Oregon; she is their only child. Chung loves them very much, but being the only Asian person in her schools and area, was determined to leave home as soon as she could. She was an excellent student, and received scholarships that enabled her to attend a good East Coast college. Although she loved her parents, and stayed in regular touch, her job and marriage and parenthood prevented her from visiting them very often in the ensuing years. As they became ill, she struggled with feeling inadequate to deal with their health issues, and felt guilty. Although this is a sad story, full of regret and grief, it is clear that there was much love on both sides, and that love becomes the overriding truth that allows everyone to experience grace during the wrenching time of illness, death, and mourning.