"No One Tells You This," by Glynnis MacNicol

A common, intensely relevant topic for many women, especially educated women with successful careers that they enjoy and in which they feel fulfilled, is the one of whether and when to get married and/or have children. Glynnis MacNicol’s memoir, “No One Tells You This” (Simon and Schuster, 2018) explores this issue in a very personal way. She does not pronounce on a “right” or “wrong” decision, or try to persuade anyone of anything. She simply shares, in a thoughtful, candid way, her struggle to figure out what it is she really wants, as she turns forty years old. She has had a slightly unorthodox path to her career as a successful writer, she is close to her family of origin, and she is surrounded by a very close and extremely supportive group of friends. She loves living in New York City. But she knows that time is of the essence, at least regarding having children, and she sees that almost all of her friends have married and had children. This memoir doesn’t just dwell on the issue of children, but shows us the author’s very full life, as she travels, works, and spends time with friends and family. She spends quite a bit of time and energy and worry on her family, dealing with her mother’s early onset dementia, her father’s passiveness and history of bad financial decisions, and her sister’s giving birth to a third child just as she splits up with her husband. MacNicol dates and has relationships, but is not happy with the men she meets, especially as prospects for long-term partners. She also teaches herself to take little breaks, even if they are just a night away, or a short river cruise, in order to restore herself from working so hard and from devoting her time and self to her family. Near the end of the book, at a wildly different locale than her usual city life, she visits a dude ranch in Wyoming, which leads to introspection and some decisions. There is a certain amount of (well-earned) handwringing in this book, but little time is spent on feeling sorry for herself. In fact, she often focuses on the happy aspects of her life. I admire the (seeming, at least) candor of the memoir, as well as the very good writing. I am sure almost any woman (and perhaps some men) reading this memoir can connect to it in some ways, no matter which life decisions they themselves have made, or are contemplating making, or will make.