"We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship," by Will Schwalbe

So many books – both fiction and nonfiction – are written about romantic love and about family love, but far fewer are written about friendship. Yet for most of us, friendship is a huge and treasured component of our lives. I look out for books focusing on friendship, and I very much enjoyed Will Schwalbe’s memoir “We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship” (Knopf, 2023). The author writes of a lifelong friendship with a young man he met in college, Chris Maxey, known to all as Maxey. The author, a gay man interested in the arts, was biased against the “jocks” at Yale, yet when he joined a secret society there, he and Maxey –- a straight man and a star wrestler -- against all expectations became closer and closer friends, and their friendship only deepened throughout the years. They continued to live very different lives after college, yet they both dealt with matters of family, romance, career, and aging, and they became great supporters of each other. Schwalbe grew to admire Maxey deeply for his work as an educator and an environmentalist, and for his utter loyalty as a friend. This memoir moves along briskly, with stops for reflecting on friendship (and life, more generally). The writer is an excellent storyteller, and the two protagonists have each had interesting and fulfilling lives. But the best part of the memoir is the throughline of the friendship between the two men. This friendship meant and means so much to each of them, and has been such a sustaining part of each of their lives, even when they sometimes didn’t see each other for fairly long periods of time, and even occasionally fell out slightly over a disagreement or misunderstanding. It is a story which is compelling and even inspiring, without trying to be stereotypically “inspiring.” I truly appreciated this thoughtful and enjoyable look at two very relatable men and their long friendship. ________

"Hello Beautiful," by Ann Napolitano

“Hello Beautiful” (Dial Press, 2023), by Ann Napolitano, is a gorgeously written novel. It focuses on all my favorite themes: family, love, friendship, the passing of time, emotions, what changes and what stays the same in life, and more. The family at the center of the story is, in a very real sense, collectively the main character. Loosely – very loosely – an “homage” to the famous story “Little Women,” the Padavano family, of Chicago, consists of four sisters who argue about who is Beth and who is Jo in “Little Women,” but they are extremely close…until they aren’t (for a while…). They have a loving but strict and even at times unforgiving mother, and a loving but alcoholic and somewhat ineffectual father. The other main character is William, who grew up in a very cold family, one that was nearly destroyed by the death of William’s adored sister at the age of three, and never recovered. He basically falls in love with the whole Padavano family. Other relatives, friends, neighbors, and classmates are characters as well, winding in and out of the story. The interactions among these characters over the years are intense and volatile. The plot keeps us interested, and the reader (at least this reader) becomes caught up in the strong relationships and emotions. I want to emphasize how well the novel is written; the same events in a lesser writer’s hands would perhaps seem run-of-the-mill, but Napolitano creates something original and special here. A bonus for me: William is a basketball player and later a “physio” who works with basketball players, and the author describes many aspects of the basketball world. (But don't worry if you are not a basketball fan; this part of the novel is fairly small.) It happens that basketball is the one sport I watch somewhat regularly (see my post of 3/29/23 about why I like to read the sports section of the newspaper). In the acknowledgements section, Napolitano mentions that she is a Golden State Warriors fan (that’s my team!) and specifically mentions a few players such as our star, Steph Curry, “for the joy with which he plays.” My sentiments exactly!

"The Chinese Groove," by Kathryn Ma

The descriptions in reviews of “The Chinese Groove” (Counterpoint, 2023), a novel by Kathryn Ma, did not immediately draw me in. But I had read Ma’s previous book, “All That Work and Still No Boys,” and very much liked it, so I thought I would try this novel. An added attraction was that it takes place (mostly) in San Francisco. The term “the Chinese groove” refers to what (some) new immigrants from China to the U.S. believe and hope will be true: that the network of already-settled-in-the-U.S. family members, friends, and even new acquaintances will help smooth the way for new immigrants, helping them find jobs, housing, and more. In the experience of the protagonist of this novel, whose American name is Shelley, this belief turns out to be, at various times, both very untrue and then sometimes very true. Shelley is a character who is both very naïve and very smart, one who picks up vibes and nuances quite quickly. He learns to “use” people but not in an obnoxious or harmful way; he is actually very loyal to anyone even tangentially related to him, and/or anyone who is kind to him. And he truly cares about the people he meets along the way in his new situation. He is a romantic at heart. He – and the novel – are also very funny. We readers are happy to follow along as Shelley finds his way.