"We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship," by Will Schwalbe

So many books – both fiction and nonfiction – are written about romantic love and about family love, but far fewer are written about friendship. Yet for most of us, friendship is a huge and treasured component of our lives. I look out for books focusing on friendship, and I very much enjoyed Will Schwalbe’s memoir “We Should Not Be Friends: The Story of a Friendship” (Knopf, 2023). The author writes of a lifelong friendship with a young man he met in college, Chris Maxey, known to all as Maxey. The author, a gay man interested in the arts, was biased against the “jocks” at Yale, yet when he joined a secret society there, he and Maxey –- a straight man and a star wrestler -- against all expectations became closer and closer friends, and their friendship only deepened throughout the years. They continued to live very different lives after college, yet they both dealt with matters of family, romance, career, and aging, and they became great supporters of each other. Schwalbe grew to admire Maxey deeply for his work as an educator and an environmentalist, and for his utter loyalty as a friend. This memoir moves along briskly, with stops for reflecting on friendship (and life, more generally). The writer is an excellent storyteller, and the two protagonists have each had interesting and fulfilling lives. But the best part of the memoir is the throughline of the friendship between the two men. This friendship meant and means so much to each of them, and has been such a sustaining part of each of their lives, even when they sometimes didn’t see each other for fairly long periods of time, and even occasionally fell out slightly over a disagreement or misunderstanding. It is a story which is compelling and even inspiring, without trying to be stereotypically “inspiring.” I truly appreciated this thoughtful and enjoyable look at two very relatable men and their long friendship. ________